OIL CHANGE

Women
1: Set appointment at Superior Auto Works when the mileage reaches 10000 miles since the last oil change and free tire rotation. (and free rotation every 3 months)
2: Arrive and Relax in the waiting area
3: 45 minutes later, write a check and leave with a properly maintained vehicle.

... Men:
1: Go to auto parts store and write a check for 50 dollars for oil, filter, oil lift (AKA kitty litter), hand cleaner and scented tree.
2: Discover that the used oil container is full. Instead of taking it back to parts store to recycle, dump in hole in back yard.
3: Open a beer and drink it.
4: Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.
5: Find jack stands under kid's pedal car.
6: In frustration, open another beer and drink it.
7: Place drain pan under engine.
8: Look for 9/16 box end wrench.
9: Give up and use crescent wrench.
10: Unscrew drain plug.
11: Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil; get hot oil on you in process.
12: Clean up.
13: Have another beer while oil is draining.
14: Look for oil filter wrench.
15: Give up; poke oil filter with Phillips screwdriver and twist it off.
16: Beer.
17: Buddy shows up; finish case with him. Finish oil change tomorrow.
18: Next day, drag pan full of old oil out from underneath car.
19: Throw oil lift (AKA kitty litter) on oil spilled during step 18.
20: Beer. No, drank it all yesterday.
21: Walk to 7-11; buy beer.
22: Install new oil filter making sure to apply thin coat of clean oil to gasket first.
23: Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine.
24: Remember drain plug from step 11.
25: Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.
26: Hurry to replace drain plug before the whole quart of fresh oil drains onto floor.
27: Slip with wrench and bang knuckles on frame.
28: Bang head on floor board in reaction.
29: Begin cussing fit.
30: Throw wrench.
31: Cuss for additional 10 minutes because wrench hit Miss December(1992)
32: Clean up; apply Band-Aid to knuckle.
33: Beer.
34: Beer.
35: Dump in additional 4 quarts of oil.
36: Beer.
37: Lower car from jack stands.
38: Accidentally crush one of the jack stands.
39: Move car back to apply more oil lift (AKA kitty litter) to fresh oil spilled during step 23.
40: Drive car.